Archive for March, 2007

Harper Says Ya Gotta Play by the Rules

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Primordial Steve Harper feels the Liberationals are not playing by the rules. Somewhere, the other day, there was a news article about The Harp Seal not liking the Liberals critisising all the stuff about Canada, Afghanistan, O’Connor’s stupidity etc……I’m sitting on the beach right now so I don’t feel like looking it up, but you can.

Anyways, the game seems to be like this: Follow Bush to the end of the cliff and jump off like a lemming. As you go down, act tough, and say that if you critisize anything it means you are not supporting the troops. Hold the handy dandy Stars and Stripes you keep in your back pocket and use it as a parachute. Call upon the American Eagle or hawk or something to rescue you. When none of this works have a hissy fit as you fall towards the rocky bottom.

When you hit the dirt blame everyone else in the world. Remove all shards and call the doctor to take the ones out of your arse. Continue life from the pit and yell about fire and brimstone and how the sinners are will perish. Talk about an election.

It’s a great game and comes with regulation plastic soldiers and real live ammo
!!!!!! You can order it online for $599.00 or pirate it from http://www.system.com.

Have fun but don’t sink my battleship.

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March 23, 2007 at 12:34 pm 8 comments

Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist

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Ha Hoo! Parishioners!!! This is the 4th day of Lentil. Heed these words:

Josh-Around (4:19-24);5:9-12

[The people came up out of the Michael Jordan mode on the tenth day of the first month, and they camped it up in Guygal on the east border of Jericho Beach. Those twelve stoners, which they had taken out of the Michael Jordan, Josh-Around set up in Guygal, saying to the Deadheads, “When your children ask their parents in time to come, ‘What do these stoners mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Deadheads crossed over the Michael Jordan phase here on dry ground.’ For the Jack LORD your God dried up the waters of the Michael Jordan Fan Club for you until you cross dressed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Commie Pinkos, which he dried up for us until we cross dressed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is Size XLarge, and so that you may fear the Jack LORD your God forever, because fear is just so trendy”]

Jack LORD said to Josh-Around, “Today I have rolled a blunt for you to disgrace Egypt.” And so that place is called Guygal to this day.

While the Deadhheads were camped in Guygal they kept the hangover in the evening on the fourteenth day of the month in the plains of Jericho Beach. On the day after the hangover, on that very day, they had the munchies and ate the produce of the land, unleavened cakes, parched grain and Mars Bars. The manna ceased on the day they ate the produce of the land, and the Deadheads no longer had manna; they ate the crops of the land of Canada that year.
————–
Hello, caller number one….what’s that? You think Toblerone or Kit Kat is better to eat? Shout it out….go ahead, next caller?

March 18, 2007 at 3:32 am 5 comments

Drunk Monkeys

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Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has confessed to being the mastermind behind 911 and other acts of terror. It took 50 meetings over the course of years with President Bush at Gitmo for the suspiciously named Mohammed (it’s just too perfect, isn’t it?) to confess, but he finally signed ‘the papers’ after drinking The Chimp under the table.

Mohammed: ‘O.k., this time I do it so I sign the deal. I confess to all this whatever it is and my family gets millions of dollars. My cancer is incurable, so I might as well fess up to these things you say and I can also be promised eternal happiness in Muslim meets Christian Heaven. Boy, you simeons are useless with the bottle. Anyways, nice to have a friend with as much hair as me.’

March 14, 2007 at 5:19 pm 7 comments

Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist

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Ha hoo! Oh parishioners! Todays, on this third day of Lentil, our sermon is from Lukewarm 13:1-9, Repent or Parish:

Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Gallbladders whose blood Pilates Exersize had mixed with their sacrifices. Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Gallbladders were worse sinners than all the other Gallbladders because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the CN tower in Toronto fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in the Metro area? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all have to buy genetically modified perishable goods.”

Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’

” ‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘Is this wise when City Hall has not yet approved your developement permit’ ”

So you see, do your Pilates daily and you might be hobnobbing with the town planner and get expedient re-zoning approval….hello, caller number one, go ahead please….

March 11, 2007 at 7:38 am 5 comments

Famous Stupid People # 18

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Bruce of Canuk Attitude correctly guessed Ontario Premier Dalton MacGuinty. I’ll do a review of his site on the side bar when I’m not so frickin’ tired (just flew in to Hilo, boy are my arms tired).

March 9, 2007 at 10:59 pm 23 comments

Harper’s Billions, er, I mean the Taxpayer’s…

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So Harper announces a billion dollars for Toronto transit. Note how these close up pics of Harpo and Ontario Premier The Dolt MacGunity conveniently shove the premier out of the limelight?

Then Harper gives a billion dollars to farmers….a billion must be the magic number to start early campaigning.
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Here at HV, we noticed his hand in the above shot….it has distinct lines that look like the fish those rascally christians use:
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Just in case you can’t quite see it I had staff outline it for you:
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And as if that weren’t enough….inside reports from Parliament Hill janitor, Daddy Scout says the drugs he’s taking to appear like a kinder, gentler Steve, aren’t always working. Here he is at the Canadian Briar, with wife Boreen, flipping the bird:
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Hey Steve…will a billion get our troops out of Afghanistan?

March 9, 2007 at 7:16 pm 4 comments

Bush Goes Bushless in Brazil

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While protestors hit the streets of Sao Paulo as President Bush visited Brazil to sign an ethanol deal, Georgie-boy was swinging down the streets so fancy-free after his Brazilian Wax job.

George: Well, ya know, I thought I’d surprise Laura, we kinda needed something to spruce up the marriage a bit. Sides, getting my acorns stripped gives me the rancher’s swagger I never really had before. Now when we get our first load of South ‘Merican moonshine, I can walk like I talk.

The Twins first suggested the wax job to me then when Condi said it’s where she goes to get her beard and stache removed i knew I was in the right place at the right time. That nice gal who stripped me, she was workin’ hard!

March 8, 2007 at 10:09 pm 3 comments

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The Queendom of Hawaii...gifts, clothing etc. to support Hawaiian Sovereignty

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Famous Stupid People Contest Winners:

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Winnder of # 52 is Great Aunty Bertha of Ecclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER = RICH COLEMAN

Winner of #51 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = KIM CAMPBELL

Winner of #50 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = RONALD REGAN

Winner of #49 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = LINDA LINGLE

Winner of #48 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = ELIZABETH DOLE

Winner of #47 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = LIBERIA'S CHARLES TAYLOR

Winner of #46 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = PHIL FONTAINE

Winner of #45 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = SARAH PALIN

Winner of the dastardly #44 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = JUDGE JOHN G. ROBERTS

Winner # 43 is Q of North of Center
ANSWER = ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGAR

Winner #42 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER= JANET NAPOLINI

Winner #41 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote.
ANSWER= PREMIER GORDON CAMPBELL

Winner #40 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER= DICK CHENEY

Winner #39 is Q of North of Center
ANSWER= ANITA BRYANT

#38 is WC of Wandering Coyote.
ANSWER= Ted Nugent

#37 is Annamarie of Verbena 19
ANSWER= Hillary Clinton

#36 is GAB of Eclectic Eccentricity.
ANSWER=TONY CLEMENTS

#35 is Bruce of Canuk Attitude
ANSWER= STEPHEN HARPER

#34 is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER=MAYOR MARIE TRAYNOR OF CALEDONIA

#33 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER=POL POT

#32 is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER=DON CHERRY

#31 is Ross of The Gazateer.

ANSWER = BO DEREK

#30 winner is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote.
ANSWER= PRINCE PHILIP

#29 AND 28 winner is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER = NANCY PELOSI, GEORGE WALLACE

# 27 Karen of Voyages of the HMS Swiftsure. ANSWER = BRIAN MULRONEY

# 26 Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: PRINCESS ANNE

# 25 AND # 24 winner is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote. ANSWER: HAMID KARZI.

# 23 winner is Bruce of Canuk Attitude ANSWER: EVA BRAUN

# 22 winner is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER: JOHN BAIRD.

# 21 is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER: ANGELA MERKEL

#20 is Liz who has no blogspot.
ANSWER: JIM PRENTICE

#19 is JJ of Unrepentant Old Hippie ANSWER=GARY MACHALE

#18 is Bruce of Canuk AttitudeANSWER= DALTON MACGUINTY

#17 is Jamie of And From These Ashes.... ANSWER: MARGARET THATCHER

#16 is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: JOSPEH MACCARTHY

# 15 is Sheena of SheenaVision. ANSWER= NANCY REGAN

#14 is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: The Pope

#13 is The Anon of Cyber Space. ANSWER: Barbara Bush

#12 is The Anon of no fixed address. ANSWER: Augusto Pinnochet

# 11 is The Rev of The Woodshed. ANSWER: Donald Trump

#10 is Sheena of SheenaVision ANSWER: Josef Stalin

#9 is JJ of Unperpentant Old HippieANSWER: The Queen of England

# 8 is Ron of Northern SuberviaANSWER=Fulgencio Batista

#6 AND #7 is Q of North of Center ANSWER #6= Felipe Calderon and ANSWER#7=Alessandra Mussolini

#5 is Bazz of Oi ! Thump !. ANSWER= Jane Russell

#4 is BCWaterboy of The Kalamalka Rainbow. ANSWER= "Michael Chertoff"

#3 is Annamarie of Verbena-19 ANSWER= "Laureen Harper"

#2 is Anon...who shall remain anonymous. ANSWER= "Idi Amin"

#1 is Austin of WildDogRoad ANSWER: Imedla Marcos

Useful Links for Activists

Comprehensive list of emails and sites for Canadian Govt., The U.N., other bodies and agencies

How'd They Vote is a resource site for accountability from
a YaYaCanada link

plus YaYa has posted
Tell Them What You Think
which breaks down the 39th parliament and lists emails.

free web page counters

No Surrender Thanks to Bruce at Canuk Attitude
Series: 'If Only They Were Normal', click on the pic of Steve.

Pages

‘Modern’ Calendar

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