Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist

March 11, 2007 at 7:38 am 5 comments

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Ha hoo! Oh parishioners! Todays, on this third day of Lentil, our sermon is from Lukewarm 13:1-9, Repent or Parish:

Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Gallbladders whose blood Pilates Exersize had mixed with their sacrifices. Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Gallbladders were worse sinners than all the other Gallbladders because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the CN tower in Toronto fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in the Metro area? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all have to buy genetically modified perishable goods.”

Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’

” ‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘Is this wise when City Hall has not yet approved your developement permit’ ”

So you see, do your Pilates daily and you might be hobnobbing with the town planner and get expedient re-zoning approval….hello, caller number one, go ahead please….

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Famous Stupid People # 18 Drunk Monkeys

5 Comments

  • 1. jj  |  March 11, 2007 at 5:28 pm

    Amen, sistah crystal! Let the nobhobbing begin!

  • 2. Q  |  March 11, 2007 at 7:08 pm

    Third day of Lentil? oy vai!

    I do love sermons from Lukewarm, sounds like the developers are greasing the town planners to get thy rezoning bounty.

  • 3. harpervalley  |  March 12, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    jj, now now , i know you have more then a few hail mary’s to say, so no brown nosing, although i’ll take all the praise i can get.

    Q, always on the Mark, Mark 5:22 that is.

  • 4. Bill-Muskoka  |  March 13, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    And then He said…’Let he who is without error cast the first stone!’

    HEY! Wait, that floor is glass and we will all fall together cried one of the onlookers! Who is this guy…anyway?

    Good to see you are back CM…very good indeed. Are you going to be preaching the at the Prayer Palace soon? (Pssst make sure you get a receipt and the check clears!)

  • 5. scout  |  March 13, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    bill…..the business end of the church is all iportant and that’s why us christians hired the jews in the 12th century to teach it to us. tax reciepts, lobbying, booking for celebrity preaching….all in a days work.


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Winnder of # 52 is Great Aunty Bertha of Ecclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER = RICH COLEMAN

Winner of #51 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = KIM CAMPBELL

Winner of #50 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = RONALD REGAN

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ANSWER= DICK CHENEY

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ANSWER= ANITA BRYANT

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ANSWER= Ted Nugent

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ANSWER= Hillary Clinton

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ANSWER= STEPHEN HARPER

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ANSWER= PRINCE PHILIP

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ANSWER = NANCY PELOSI, GEORGE WALLACE

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ANSWER: JOHN BAIRD.

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ANSWER: ANGELA MERKEL

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ANSWER: JIM PRENTICE

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#1 is Austin of WildDogRoad ANSWER: Imedla Marcos

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