Archive for October, 2007
OH NO! Steve Can’t Find Mask and Costume!
Boo, from Snarlymint Hill !
Yes, I made the budget. Well, Steve told me what to do but I made it. Isn’t it great? Think just THINK, what a way to introduce an election! I’m so important. I’m on the winning team and one of the big players. Who’s coming for a stout?
Nitrous Oxide, Anyone?
“Ah….Mr. Harper. You say you seek happiness. For some it has to come from certain gasses. Please don’t buy the stuff from China.
Not only will this make you happy but you can double your pleasure knowing it is a major global warming gas, so, you can keep your Kyoto pledge above world standards.
Nice to meet you and, hey, love the kata”.
If Only They Were Normal – Arnold Schwarzenegger
California Govenor, Arnold Schwarzenneger vows he will hunt down the arsonists who started the San Diego fires.
If he were normal:
“Ze San Diego fire arsonists will have to face ze judge because zat is not my area. Und besides , I am vegan now und cry about ze bunnies zat got burnt so I don’t vant to sink about it.
But maybe you like my new threads to reflect my new believes und tossing out ze steroids. Maria is not certain yet because she says our love making has become too tender und she’s not for sure certain about that.
California I love you und Gaia too. Peace, out.
3 Brown Men
1. friend from Africa, muslim, assault charge in Ontario. They let him go and he moves to Vancouver if he promises to tell ‘everything he sees and hears’. Subject to hassle, can’t go back to Ontario, not officially on any list as ‘working’ for anyone but gets paid a small amount.
2. muslim friend from middle east. Went to Japan for his import business, not allowed back in country as his residency card went missing. He’s been gone for about four months now, each week they keep saying ‘next week’. He’s not being detained, just not allowed back in.
3. Fijian friend who came to Canada with his family in 1987. When he was younger he had a cocaine bust here. They gave him leniency. But now he has a meeting with a judge about his immigration status and he may be turfed. It’s a quick, 1, 2, 3, you’re out process.
So what to do? How does one play the odds, work around the system to stay in Canada or not have to have special conditions imposed like acting like a road rat spy?
Any information would be appreciated.
Rasta Rat
This news item concentrates on how too much cannabis can have reverse affects and cause depression. Studies show that rats and people can have despression uplifted with small doses…….but here they are concentrating on how high doses could be adverse.
Well isn’t that a big ‘duh’ for anything… the word MODERATION comes to mind. Pot is a healing plant, so like taking 5,000 units of vitamin C, which will undoubteldy give you the shits, I think if you smoke 3 ounces in a day you’ll feel this shits.
Note the article and study doesn’t go into dosage. Will that be 3 cookies or 3 dozen?
Let’s leave it to the rats to decide. If you want to know their thoughts, wait till the lastest Marley re-mix comes out and play it backwards.
Hey rats! This Bud’s for you!
Famous Stupid People #31
TA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! RossK of The Gazateer correctly guessed Republican whore Bo Derek.
Who Owns the Northern Sea?
That’s a question an article in the Globe and Mail asks recently as Canada vies to hold onto the artic while the U.S., Russia, Norway and Denmark send their submarines to chart and claim whatever part of their continental plate can mapped.
WAIT! EVERYONE forgot about the Inuit, Yupik, Sami, Kalaallit and other indigenous groups of the north. Are we surprised? No. And it is each of the tribes who were told by Creator to care for the land and sea…the word own or sell do not exist. Giving the land is a post-colonial concept. It is with their determination that perhaps we can keep the polluting, whale killing ships to a minimum and war driven ships to zilch.
Man, you can try what you want, force what you want, but indigenous prophecies are what they are and those you can only turn around by action of spirit. Love to you so you can open your heart and turn around to truly help the world.
Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist
Ha Hoo! Parishioners! Yes, yes, I know I’m late , but with good reason. Carrying on with our ecunemical outlook I had to search high and low for this burka, all so I can understand why they wear these darned things. What’s that smell?
Perhaps Muslims have a good idea for the mask and long robe, after all, we Christians have…..sniff, sniff, what is that odour….have let things slip too far judging by the way youth dress. Oh my, p.u., this is really repugnant. Phew! Perhaps we should have pressured the schools more, after all, those young tarts are asking for rape and…..ew, I can’t stand it, the reek is too….oh wait a minute, it’s my breath! Ho ho ho, well I’ll just remove the mask and carry on….perhaps the burka isn’t just a good idea after all. Sally and Susie will just have to bare with the consequences.
How Much is that Doggie in the Window?
I see Jim Flaherty standing on a stool and looking into a toy store.
I hear he’s after retailers to lower their prices.
Sniff, sniff, I smell an election.
Egads….Rejected by Mercer
Maybe it was too subtle. Maybe it was sent too late. All I know is me poor aching heart was ripped out by the hands of the very man Canada looks up to to keep our country laughing…Rick Mercer.
Yes, I entered the above in his photo challenge for ‘The Three Amigos’ and didn’t get chosen. I have no choice now but to drown my sorrows over several glasses of maple syrup and stuff my mouth with medium cheddar cheese. I may even wear a toque while doing so.
Mercer, you’re a cruel, cruel man, even if you do skinny dip with Bob Rae.
Speech From the Groan
Don’t strain too hard, Michaelle, you’ll bust a hemaroid for sure.
For a quick low-down on the speech, visit Alison at Creekside.
Famous Stupid People #30
#30 was correctly quessed by that bushy tailed Rosslander, Wanderin Coyote of Wandering Coyote! Answer: Prince Philip.
Harper Scans the Crowd
Virtually no one attended when Steve-Joe demonstrated one of the new fast scanners that some U.S. airports will begin using soon.
One of the drawbacks of the machine is it displays the passer-through as naked. We at Harper Valley didn’t set out to make you barf your breakfast, rather, we felt it our duty to show you just what these machines are capable of.
Steve was more then willing to walk through one to show how safe they are. When asked about his lack of, um, size, Steve said, ‘Ha, my little man. Ya, I call him Dief the Chief’. I wanted Canada and the Nation of Quebec to know that I’m a miracle , and praise the Lord, Dief always stands for me. Well, except for that time when, and of course there was the incident, then the damned cats….’
Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist
Ha Hoo! Parishioners, today we will concentrate on “The Jack Lord’s Prayer”.
Our Harper, who Art Garfunkel in heaven,
Hollow be they name
Thy Kindgom cum
Thy will be done
And roll over and go to sleep.
Give us this day our daily straight wed
And forgive us our bare asses
As we forgive those who bare ass against us.
And lead us not into the Temptations
And forgive us from the Beatles.
For thine is the KingKong
The power and the gory
For ever and ever
Ahhhhhhh Men.
Read ’em and Weep
So Harper decides to put together an ‘independant panel’ of ‘non-partisan’ former politicians to debate Canada’s missionary position in Afghanistan. Is the deck stacked or what? Two Liberals and three Conservatives (the NDP just doesn’t exist I guess). Atta boy, Steve, you’re showing us a real poker face now…and what will you do with your full house? Guess you can go running back to Mamma if you don’t agree with the panel or they bypass your recommendations, blame it on not going strictly with caucus , and perhaps pick up John Manley, chair of your panel, as an all new Conservative ‘I didn’t get where I wanted with the Liberals because of Paul Martin”.
Wonder what he’s got up his sleeve…bunnies….i doubt it. Pitbulls? That’s more like it.
Don’t worry Steve, your party will be there for you when the chips are down.
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Excellent breakdown of the ‘players’ by Alison at Creekside
Elk E. Summer…..or:
Drawn and quartered?
Flip side of the coin?
This beautiful beastie was just a few feet from me on the highway heading east out of Jasper. Lots of cars had stopped but surprise, I was the only one with enough, er, balls, to get quite close.
I tried to photoshop the hind end, resplendant with elk cones, onto a quarter, but it was proving too difficult. However, I would like to recommend to the Canadian Mint that the elk head on the quarter replacing Liz ll’s head….and the back end be rump elk.
We could keep Queenie on the front of the loonie…but let’s put her touche on the back. Really.
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PAYPAL
Harper Valley 