Speech From the Groan

October 17, 2007 at 8:27 am 9 comments

micheallejeanthrone.jpg
Don’t strain too hard, Michaelle, you’ll bust a hemaroid for sure.

For a quick low-down on the speech, visit Alison at Creekside.

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Entry filed under: Bullshit, Michaelle Jean, Stephen Harper, Throne Speech.

Famous Stupid People #30 Egads….Rejected by Mercer

9 Comments

  • 1. sassy  |  October 17, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    Hey – why shot the messanger

    May I draw your attention to Only this blog has the 15 key missing passages from last night’s Speech From the Throne

    which says:
    1. “Honourable Senators, Members of the House of Commons, Ladies and Gentlemen… and whatever Stephane Dion qualifies as now that the Prime Minister has possession of his balls.”

    2. “Through the Speech from the Throne, the Government shares its vision with Canadians… along with a sinister mind-control ray that will make you our willing hypno-slave upon the utterance of the code word, ‘Pheasant.’”

    3. “Canada is the greatest country in the world… and will be even better once we round up the gays.”

    4. “Next year we mark important anniversaries spanning our country and its history. We will celebrate the 400th anniversary of the founding of Quebec City, the 150th anniversary of the founding of the Crown Colony of British Columbia… and first anniversary of the disappearance of Rona Ambrose.”

    5. “Canadians see in our North an expression of our deepest aspirations: our sense of exploration, the beauty and the bounty of our land, and our limitless potential… which will be much easier to exploit once all that goddamn ice finally melts and we can start building theme parks.”

    6. “Canada is back as a credible player on the international stage… at least according to Broadway critics, who praised Stephen Harper’s riveting turn as Richard III, now in its 84th consecutive week of mesmerizing performances!”

    7. “The Canadian model of constitutional democracy and economic openness combined with social safety nets, equitable wealth creation and sharing across regions has much to offer [Latin American] countries struggling to build a better future… so we’re selling our social safety net to Nicaragua for a pair of oxen and a box of nails.”

    8. Our Government has appointed an independent panel to advise Canadians on how best to proceed [with the Afghanistan deployment]… and then we’ll go ahead with Steve’s idea. But there’ll be muffins at the meetings, and they’ll be tasty. Manley knows what I’m taking about.”

    9. “Our Government will introduce legislation to place formal limits on the use of the federal spending power. This legislation will allow provinces and territories to opt out with reasonable compensation if they offer compatible programs… or are Quebec.”

    10. “Canadians want a government that is a competent and effective manager of the economy… which is bad timing, because obviously we’re spending our nuts off over here.”

    11. “The bedrock of our workforce is middle-class Canadians and their families. These families worry about the rising costs of higher education and the expense of caring for elderly parents. They worry about affordable housing and the number of homeless people on our streets… You’ll notice we didn’t say WE were worried about those homeless people. Nor did we entirely make clear what we meant by Canadians being ‘worried’ about homeless people. Do we mean they’re worried, concerned – or worried, frightened for their safety? Let’s just say you might want to put down that squeegee and start running, unshaven dude in the hoodie.”

    12. “As we pursue a global consensus [on climate change], Canada is acting even more aggressively at home… for instance, John Baird has personally challenged that four-eyed David Suzuki to a fistfight.”

    13. “Our Government will implement our national strategy to reduce Canada’s total greenhouse gas emissions 60 to 70 percent by 2050. There will be a 20 percent reduction by 2020… This will help us achieve our other goal of increasing by 40 percent the public declaration of absurd benchmarks that will never even come close to being achieved by our gas-chugging, SUV-loving populace.”

    14. “Our mining and resource sectors present extraordinary opportunities across Canada, and our Government will help move forward by providing a single window for major project approvals… The window will be unstaffed but we’ll leave the little stamp thing and ink pad there so you can approve your own proposals. (Unless absolutely necessary, please do not drill directly into an Aboriginal person.)”

    15. “Our Government will announce an infrastructure program, the Building Canada Plan. The result will be safer roads and bridges, shorter commutes, more competitive business, improved cultural infrastructure and a better quality of life for all Canadians… Also, everyone gets a pony.”

  • 2. sassy  |  October 17, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    p.s. sure glad I copied the text from that url, cause my link sure did not work. 😦

    It was from Scott Feschuk | October 17, 2007 | 11:41:51 at Blog Central at Macleans.ca

  • 3. harpervalley  |  October 17, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    sassy….yes, by jove, i think you’ve got it! haha, nice work from scott.

    i love to shoot the messenger though…m.j. sucks up to the pm so big time to constantly draw more money out of him for haiti……while aboriginal issues here are either 1. ignored 2. jeopardized. shame, shame GG!

  • 4. sassy  |  October 17, 2007 at 6:52 pm

    … m.j. sucks up to the pm so big time to constantly draw more money out of him for haiti……while aboriginal issues here are either 1. ignored 2. jeopardized. shame, shame GG!

    Looks like I have some homework to do, this I did not realize.

  • 5. harpervalley  |  October 17, 2007 at 7:55 pm

    sassy….ya, sucks….i used to admire jm, not knowing her anything more then from ‘passionate eye’. but the reality of her position is she’s had harper forking over quite a bit to her home country, haiti. also , she refuses to fullfill her duties as the queen’s rep in canada and deliver a letter from the 6N clan mothers to the queen, despite the queen directing her too.

  • 6. Wandering Coyote  |  October 17, 2007 at 8:55 pm

    I love Scott Feschuk. This article is a classic:

    http://wanderingcoyote.blogspot.com/2007/06/book-recommends-for-stephen-harper.html

  • 7. harpervalley  |  October 17, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    just read the article and my gahd it’s good!!!! thanks for posting it.

  • 8. sassy  |  October 18, 2007 at 7:15 am

    WC,

    “my gahd it’s good!!!! thanks for posting it.”

    me too

  • 9. Wandering Coyote  |  October 18, 2007 at 8:51 am

    Yeah, I thought it was really great, too. It cracked me right up while I was on the treadmill…I’m sure people were wondering what the hell I was laughing at so hard at during a workout…


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Famous Stupid People Contest Winners:

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Winnder of # 52 is Great Aunty Bertha of Ecclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER = RICH COLEMAN

Winner of #51 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = KIM CAMPBELL

Winner of #50 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = RONALD REGAN

Winner of #49 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = LINDA LINGLE

Winner of #48 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = ELIZABETH DOLE

Winner of #47 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = LIBERIA'S CHARLES TAYLOR

Winner of #46 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = PHIL FONTAINE

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ANSWER = SARAH PALIN

Winner of the dastardly #44 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = JUDGE JOHN G. ROBERTS

Winner # 43 is Q of North of Center
ANSWER = ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGAR

Winner #42 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER= JANET NAPOLINI

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ANSWER= PREMIER GORDON CAMPBELL

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ANSWER= DICK CHENEY

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ANSWER= ANITA BRYANT

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ANSWER= Ted Nugent

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ANSWER= Hillary Clinton

#36 is GAB of Eclectic Eccentricity.
ANSWER=TONY CLEMENTS

#35 is Bruce of Canuk Attitude
ANSWER= STEPHEN HARPER

#34 is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER=MAYOR MARIE TRAYNOR OF CALEDONIA

#33 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER=POL POT

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ANSWER=DON CHERRY

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ANSWER = BO DEREK

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ANSWER= PRINCE PHILIP

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ANSWER = NANCY PELOSI, GEORGE WALLACE

# 27 Karen of Voyages of the HMS Swiftsure. ANSWER = BRIAN MULRONEY

# 26 Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: PRINCESS ANNE

# 25 AND # 24 winner is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote. ANSWER: HAMID KARZI.

# 23 winner is Bruce of Canuk Attitude ANSWER: EVA BRAUN

# 22 winner is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER: JOHN BAIRD.

# 21 is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER: ANGELA MERKEL

#20 is Liz who has no blogspot.
ANSWER: JIM PRENTICE

#19 is JJ of Unrepentant Old Hippie ANSWER=GARY MACHALE

#18 is Bruce of Canuk AttitudeANSWER= DALTON MACGUINTY

#17 is Jamie of And From These Ashes.... ANSWER: MARGARET THATCHER

#16 is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: JOSPEH MACCARTHY

# 15 is Sheena of SheenaVision. ANSWER= NANCY REGAN

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#12 is The Anon of no fixed address. ANSWER: Augusto Pinnochet

# 11 is The Rev of The Woodshed. ANSWER: Donald Trump

#10 is Sheena of SheenaVision ANSWER: Josef Stalin

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# 8 is Ron of Northern SuberviaANSWER=Fulgencio Batista

#6 AND #7 is Q of North of Center ANSWER #6= Felipe Calderon and ANSWER#7=Alessandra Mussolini

#5 is Bazz of Oi ! Thump !. ANSWER= Jane Russell

#4 is BCWaterboy of The Kalamalka Rainbow. ANSWER= "Michael Chertoff"

#3 is Annamarie of Verbena-19 ANSWER= "Laureen Harper"

#2 is Anon...who shall remain anonymous. ANSWER= "Idi Amin"

#1 is Austin of WildDogRoad ANSWER: Imedla Marcos

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