Archive for November, 2006
24 years ago it was easy to have you growing inside me…except when the cow chased me and I slid on my stomache in pies. When you first started kicking it was the most incredible experience I’d ever had. Then you kicked, and kicked and kicked!!!
As you were almost coming out it wasn’t so easy. Yes, I kicked the doctors and swore and screamed a lot. When they put a fuzzy little bear on my chest the miracle of your birth came sailing through (the hell with the hemaroids, I had a baby girl).
Watching you grow up was a miracle too, though not always easy. You’re a beautiful young woman now but still, when you hurt, I hurt. Your dad and I are so proud of you in every way. There is no stronger love then a parent for a child (even though us parents screwed up a lot along the way).
You were always an easy girl….and I was an uptight mother….what can I say, I brought my own childhood fears into parenting. But I think I was pretty honest with you and you were nothing but with me (save for the pranks, and of course, the stuff I didn’t want to know). HAPPY BIRTHDAY, you’ll always be my pumpkin pie a la mode.
This is blog award time and I think I’m supposed to post funny stuff, but you’re more important. I love ya, chickadee!!!!! And here’s my poem to you I wrote a few years back:
My Daughter’s Teardrop
single tear crests
the contoured trail of cheekbone.
one eye’s raindrop falling.
i gaze at the crystal,
long to have it set and strung
from nape to bosom
where I can cherish it’s eternity
amidst the wraps of my heart.
my palm is ready
to warm a longing life,
and suffer instead of she.
a succinct second of life
emerging from the pools
grant me those seconds
to hold in the blanket of my breasts,
leaving her unscathed
and saved from constant sorrow.
a mother wears her child’s pain.
there’s not a pawnshop around
to take the precious bond.
not a burglar nor bandit nor brandisher
of greenbacks and bonds
willing or worthy of
my daughter’s crystal creation
my daughter’s teardrop:
an heirloom from eve.
to lizzie, my precious pumpkin pie a la mode,
love mummy wummy, 2004
Or should that read, “Who do you THINK you are”?. The dismantling of many Status of Women offices begins in the spring.. Nice play, Shakespeare.
I Googled, Wiki’d and Statussed around to see what I could find about Burka Bev. Not much. Lots on her career…a former teacher, Japanese-Canadian descent, career, career, career. Nothing on her family and interests. This leads me to one conclusion: Burka Bev is a an undercover lesbian. Literally. I think we’ve got a case of a ‘top’ gone wild for power and advancement. No good lesbian would undermine women’s rights. I think her collection of Snap-On-Tools has gone to her head. Is she undercover to ‘bust’ (pun intentional) feminists as some sort of Inspect-her Gadget, or is she undercover with MP groupies who want some submissive play?
Ya know, if the Con-Artists were REALLY concerend over S.O.W. being represented by too many lobby groups they could have a consencus system, made the playing field a little more equal and come up with a decision making matrix based on principles that advance the rights of women…….a little too advanced for the Artiste’s du Con though. Women’s issues and inequality are still high on the shelf. We are still bound by the U.N.’s Agenda 21 Charter on Sustainability (this is one Stever hasn’t made into a paper mache statue yet) , which stresses the ongoing need for women’s rights and justice. Minister of Heritage? Ya, women’s rights as heritage pieces on the display cabinet next to some collector edition plates.
Burka Bev, don’t undermine your sisters….and don’t put your mask on while talking with Jack Straw! And don’t show your face around my house unless you come out of the closet and stand up for who you really are: a WOMAN…let’s hear you roar, not snarl and eat the young! I mean as in , you know, bite and swallow them….well , how about kill and digest them, ya, that’s better.
*Note…great story about a Parti Quebecois landing in hot water over an appearance in a tv sketch about bush and harper in a ‘brokeback mountain’ scene at Chinese in Vancouver . Excellent photoshop too!
The band is playing and streamers are flying….congratulations to Sheena of Sheena Vision for guessing Nancy Reagan. As usual, the winner gets a write up on their blog, so check the sidebar for our choice of contenders in Best Personal Blog in the CBA Awards!!!
*note….don’t forget to vote Slap Upside the Head as ‘Best Cultural Blog’. Other choices are on the sidebar.
**B.C. NDP leader Carole James delivered a great speech today at the B.C. Federation of Labour’s 50th Anniversary Convention.
I want to tell you all a story ’bout a Harper Valley widowed wife
Who tried support her kids who attended Harper Valley Junior High
Well her daughter came home one afternoon and didn’t even stop to play
She said, “Mom, I got a note here from the Harper Valley P.T.A.”
The note said, “Mrs. Johnson, we know you support abortions and are totally against war
You been out there protesting and trying to get the government to give more
We don’t support you and your radical aims and goals”
Signed the Harper Valley P.T.A., ‘Progressive Twits and Assholes’.
Well, it happened that the P.T.A. was gonna meet that very afternoon
They were sure surprised when Mrs. Johnson brought her clan right into the room
They wore suits and tie-dye, rags, and some were even gay
She said, “I’d like to address this meeting of the Harper Valley P.T.A.”
Well, there’s cabinet ministers sitting there who’ve asked me if I wanna screw
Have stocks and shares in Haliburton, and Lockheed Martin too
And how come so many want to war and steal more land from the Mohawks?
Then go to church on Sunday and are casting stones as big as rocks?
Well Mr. Harper couldn’t be here cause he was down visiting Bush
And secretly they were grabbing each other’s little neo-touche
Then you have the nerve to tell me you think that as a mother I’m not fit
Well this is just a little Peyton Place and you’re all assholes and upper class twits
No I wouldn’t put you on because everyone was caught in their roles
The day my Mama socked it to the Progressive Twits and Assholes
The day my Mama socked it to the Progressive Twits and Assholes
*it’s snowing, the roads are trecherous, i can’t work on my copper projects because it’s too cold outside. What else to do but blog, blog blog??? And Havril, I already gave you the tab for this!
Holy cow…or is that turkey…or RATzinger? The Pope is in Turkey insisting it’s NOT A POLITICAL move, but he’s there to support Turkey’s bid to join the E.U.. And how can that not be political, Mr. Ratzinger? Oh, pardon, me, amongst other things it would mean Turkey’s few thousand Catholics being able to throw euros into the collection plate. And he does, after all, have to make political ammends for once stating that Muslims are all about violence.
“Fellow Catholic Turks. It is good to be here where Mary spend her final years., even though it was with a guy, but we won’t go into details of unholy wedlock. I’d like to encourage your bid for the European Union so a muslim nation can act civilly because Turkey is too close to the Vatican and I’m scared. But this is not political…no, ah, it’s more about good relations because, like I said, I’m scared.
When I told Prime Minister Erdogan and President Sezer, ‘Kiss my ring’, i meant the one on my finger, honest. We had a nice meeting and I brought some Holy Crackers to munch on. Its not true, when I dumped a pitcher of water on his head I was baptizing him.
So join me now in prayer as we ask for all western nations to united against the yellow peril. I’d also like a Nobel Peace Prize. Remember to breed, and perhaps Muslims will come onside so we have enough white folk to go up against the dirty commies. I may issue a Papal Bull on this. In fact, the Papal Bull is looking forward to flaring his nostrils meeting young muslim men.
Remember, Deep Integration for the western world is a double entendre, but keep it quiet, will ya?”
*JJ at Unrepentant Old Hippie brought my attention to the Pope’s HOT secretary, Monsignor Georg Ganswein. Nothing like a papal pinup boy!
The debate on same sex marriage is on December 7th. As though there should be one, however, it’s really an exercise in seeing how some of the Reformed can bite their fundie tongues. Harper’s going to have a tough time reigning some of them in, but we don’t want them to. They’ll be easily baited and true colours could show up as a palette of bigoted homophobia. That’s a painting that could pull the Con-artists into Dante’s Inferno. Steve’s prepped for it though:
Steve Great! O.k, from the top again. Joseph and Mary, your entry is crucial, it has to be timed when the Speaker takes a break. And can you say your lines with more conviction?
Joseph Well, Mary, I’m sure glad you’re not a man and I don’t have to put my penis in a hairy butt. This way I can put it in your butt.
Steve Cut! Cut! Joseph, we can’t have Canadians thinking we endorse anal sex of any kind. Move on to the next lines please.
Mary Why yes, Joseph, and this way I can bend and bow to the wishes of a man, not some dyke who would know my body better. I will layeth down for you whenever you wish and succumb to your powers.
Joseph And look what we begetted, a babe in swaddlings. Oh, I forgot, you were fooling around with that God guy again.
Mary Never mind, think of all the camels you had. In any case, we are a family and must focus on that.
Joseph Why yes, Mary, and that’s the most important thing, procreation. Did you remember to put blue contact lenses in little Jesus’s eyes and the Michael Jackson skin whitener on?
Mary Yes, Joseph. Thanks for the reminder. Should we go to church now?
Joseph What’s that?
Mary You’re so funny, you forgot, it’s that gathering place the Emperor Constantine invented. Hurry or we’ll be late!
Steve That’s a wrap. Wow, when they said you were professionals Frum was right! The script’s a little over my head but if he wrote it , it must be good. Cabinet, tell all the underlings about this. Dismissed.
*Montreal Simon has a good rant about the upcoming debate.