Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist

March 18, 2007 at 3:32 am 5 comments

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Ha Hoo! Parishioners!!! This is the 4th day of Lentil. Heed these words:

Josh-Around (4:19-24);5:9-12

[The people came up out of the Michael Jordan mode on the tenth day of the first month, and they camped it up in Guygal on the east border of Jericho Beach. Those twelve stoners, which they had taken out of the Michael Jordan, Josh-Around set up in Guygal, saying to the Deadheads, “When your children ask their parents in time to come, ‘What do these stoners mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Deadheads crossed over the Michael Jordan phase here on dry ground.’ For the Jack LORD your God dried up the waters of the Michael Jordan Fan Club for you until you cross dressed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Commie Pinkos, which he dried up for us until we cross dressed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is Size XLarge, and so that you may fear the Jack LORD your God forever, because fear is just so trendy”]

Jack LORD said to Josh-Around, “Today I have rolled a blunt for you to disgrace Egypt.” And so that place is called Guygal to this day.

While the Deadhheads were camped in Guygal they kept the hangover in the evening on the fourteenth day of the month in the plains of Jericho Beach. On the day after the hangover, on that very day, they had the munchies and ate the produce of the land, unleavened cakes, parched grain and Mars Bars. The manna ceased on the day they ate the produce of the land, and the Deadheads no longer had manna; they ate the crops of the land of Canada that year.
————–
Hello, caller number one….what’s that? You think Toblerone or Kit Kat is better to eat? Shout it out….go ahead, next caller?

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Drunk Monkeys Harper Says Ya Gotta Play by the Rules

5 Comments

  • 1. Q  |  March 18, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    Yes, fear is trendy in the land of Michael Jordan and apparently thou hast a thing or two for the Jack Lord.
    Be thou tempted sister?

  • 2. jj  |  March 19, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Thank you thank you, crystal methodist. Your Sunday prayers are saving my life. But next time you’re talking to God, can you tell her I want a new Vette?

  • 3. scout  |  March 20, 2007 at 1:19 am

    Q, i confess….i am double tempted, especially after seeing a hawaii 5-0 re-run at a friend’s a few weeks ago (what a gawd awful show, but loved it as a kid, and jack lord was never my cup of tea). now micheal jordon, hmmmmm.

    jj…..i’ve put in your order…that’s a world war 2 vette, right? hoo hoo haa haa, joking my litle sheep. but those who serve the lord and listen to my sermons get amply rewarded if they vote the RIGHT way, if you know what i mean.

  • 4. sheena  |  March 23, 2007 at 11:40 am

    Hey Scout, I saw a USA Today article on the Hawaiian land disputes on Molokai yesterday. Is that the stuff you got involved with?

  • 5. harpervalley  |  March 23, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    thanks sheena….i’ve been missing the hawaiian news whilst on maui, i’ll check it out.


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Famous Stupid People Contest Winners:

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Winnder of # 52 is Great Aunty Bertha of Ecclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER = RICH COLEMAN

Winner of #51 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = KIM CAMPBELL

Winner of #50 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = RONALD REGAN

Winner of #49 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = LINDA LINGLE

Winner of #48 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = ELIZABETH DOLE

Winner of #47 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = LIBERIA'S CHARLES TAYLOR

Winner of #46 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = PHIL FONTAINE

Winner of #45 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = SARAH PALIN

Winner of the dastardly #44 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER = JUDGE JOHN G. ROBERTS

Winner # 43 is Q of North of Center
ANSWER = ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGAR

Winner #42 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER= JANET NAPOLINI

Winner #41 is Coyote of Wandering Coyote.
ANSWER= PREMIER GORDON CAMPBELL

Winner #40 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER= DICK CHENEY

Winner #39 is Q of North of Center
ANSWER= ANITA BRYANT

#38 is WC of Wandering Coyote.
ANSWER= Ted Nugent

#37 is Annamarie of Verbena 19
ANSWER= Hillary Clinton

#36 is GAB of Eclectic Eccentricity.
ANSWER=TONY CLEMENTS

#35 is Bruce of Canuk Attitude
ANSWER= STEPHEN HARPER

#34 is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER=MAYOR MARIE TRAYNOR OF CALEDONIA

#33 is Sassy of no fixed address
ANSWER=POL POT

#32 is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER=DON CHERRY

#31 is Ross of The Gazateer.

ANSWER = BO DEREK

#30 winner is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote.
ANSWER= PRINCE PHILIP

#29 AND 28 winner is Q of North of Center.
ANSWER = NANCY PELOSI, GEORGE WALLACE

# 27 Karen of Voyages of the HMS Swiftsure. ANSWER = BRIAN MULRONEY

# 26 Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: PRINCESS ANNE

# 25 AND # 24 winner is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote. ANSWER: HAMID KARZI.

# 23 winner is Bruce of Canuk Attitude ANSWER: EVA BRAUN

# 22 winner is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity
ANSWER: JOHN BAIRD.

# 21 is Wandering Coyote of Wandering Coyote
ANSWER: ANGELA MERKEL

#20 is Liz who has no blogspot.
ANSWER: JIM PRENTICE

#19 is JJ of Unrepentant Old Hippie ANSWER=GARY MACHALE

#18 is Bruce of Canuk AttitudeANSWER= DALTON MACGUINTY

#17 is Jamie of And From These Ashes.... ANSWER: MARGARET THATCHER

#16 is Great Aunty Bertha of Eclectic Eccentricity. ANSWER: JOSPEH MACCARTHY

# 15 is Sheena of SheenaVision. ANSWER= NANCY REGAN

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#13 is The Anon of Cyber Space. ANSWER: Barbara Bush

#12 is The Anon of no fixed address. ANSWER: Augusto Pinnochet

# 11 is The Rev of The Woodshed. ANSWER: Donald Trump

#10 is Sheena of SheenaVision ANSWER: Josef Stalin

#9 is JJ of Unperpentant Old HippieANSWER: The Queen of England

# 8 is Ron of Northern SuberviaANSWER=Fulgencio Batista

#6 AND #7 is Q of North of Center ANSWER #6= Felipe Calderon and ANSWER#7=Alessandra Mussolini

#5 is Bazz of Oi ! Thump !. ANSWER= Jane Russell

#4 is BCWaterboy of The Kalamalka Rainbow. ANSWER= "Michael Chertoff"

#3 is Annamarie of Verbena-19 ANSWER= "Laureen Harper"

#2 is Anon...who shall remain anonymous. ANSWER= "Idi Amin"

#1 is Austin of WildDogRoad ANSWER: Imedla Marcos

Useful Links for Activists

Comprehensive list of emails and sites for Canadian Govt., The U.N., other bodies and agencies

How'd They Vote is a resource site for accountability from
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plus YaYa has posted
Tell Them What You Think
which breaks down the 39th parliament and lists emails.

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