Tales From The Shelter – 9
When it got too cold last year to live in my van anymore I turned to a homeless shelter. I can’t remember how I found out about it, but I lost my shelter innosense there. It’s hard to write right now as my evening meds have kicked in and i’m working my way through mud and tar.
I made a big step today…having completed a Silly Ann volunteer project I felt confident enough that I can re-enter the work place. There are different outfits that handle ‘persons with disabilities’ and went to one my Silly councillor recommended. During the intake I cried a lot. Everything surfaced about where I am in life – living in a shelter, no work, collecting disability, and those ever pervading messages from childhood that say I’m stupid.
Next up was a visit to a center for persons with disability but they really couldn’t help me with anything. I think the job re-entry program merely sends people to various places to make it feel like they care about you…this seems common in the world of homeless bureaucracy. I’d like to send them all the moon.
Going to the second outfit produced more tears and I do believe my tears were more like blood. Why don’t these people just cut you open with a knife? I know it’s not the individual’s fault but Christ, the paperwork is endless and today i felt like everything was hopeless.
Back at the Silly Retarded Martha was speaking to the crack in the wall on the smoking pit that seperates the men from the women. She has a crush on one of the guys and actually went out with one of them for a while. I’m going to guess he dumped her because if they ever pooled enough for a hotel room she probably talked all the way through sex. “your a little too far over, but that’s ok because my personal God will take care of that”.
A guy’s been coming around selling cigarrettes in packs for $5. He claims he was part of the demo crew for a restaraunt and store that burned down so grabbed the smokes. He says he wants to sell them to us as realizes we don’t have much money. Everyone is talking about how nice it is of him to do this. I figure he’s chosen the right market because what else is he going to do with them? Walk East Hastings whispering , ‘cigarrettes’…no, I doubt it. Or wait for kids going in to the 7-11? NO! A homeless shelter is pretty safe because no ones going to squeal on him. I bought a pack but it tastes like burned building.
I also got to meet the drug sniffing dog that comes here and her owner. He said he is contracted out for $150/ hour and it cost $10,000 to have the dog and him trained in the U.S.A.. The dog is a german shepard but the owner said beagles and shelties are used a lot at places like airports where it’s not good to freak out the people. Bomb-sniffing dog outfits get paid $300/hour. He says dogs are in big demand.
I’m tired and the day was weird. Besides the big step to registering to get job retraining, a woman on our floor was all freaked out as a bad man wanted me to pick up her furniture and some of her belongings. She finally calmed down but i can hear through the wall now that she’s on the phone and being all freaked out again.
Over and out.