Feds Want Fartalizer Tests for Drivers
Those kooky Cons are at it again! Now they want to introduce fartilizer tests on random drivers. Yes, that’s right. In pre-byelection ramble Justass Minister, Big Job Nicholson, wooed Mothers Against Drunk Drivers with his proposal. As it is a driver must stay in the car and confine their farts to themselves if pulled over. With the new random testing, a hi-tech obnoxious gas meter can be shoved up anyone’s arse, including your grandmother’s. The fart-o-meter measure the alcohol/methane level and if you test positive a pair of depends is handed to you and you are taken to the station.
Police Union spokesperson Stinky Bottoms says he will only allow his members to use the device if gloves and masks are supplied, ensuring safety. He is also concerned that the Swine Flu may be transmitted and is recommending hand sanitizer also be supplied , except to First Nations cops.
If the gasses legislation passes wind we could expect to see bare butts flashing on roadsides as soon as January in an effort to demonstrate to Olympic visitors that Ottawa knows how to cover it’s own sphincter.