Sunday Sermon by Crystal Methodist

June 10, 2007 at 12:24 am 9 comments


Ha Hoo! Parishioners! Today’s sermon will be short as I’ve been summoned to Europe. Rember, a little birdie told you this, but Mr. Harper has asked me to help tide things over his words about African Aid. It seems the good PM has some trouble explaining what the missionary position is there. My, my, the world seems to construe religion and sex as some abhorent mixup, but let me tell you…if we were all to assume missionary position a man could simply get his job done while we lay there saying Hail Mary’s, then there would be more time to devout to Jack Lord.

Hence today I shall leave you with The Good Book (not to be mistaken for T.V. Guide) and ask you to read Luke Warm, Timothy Leery, and Mark My Word. Have fun, behave, and if I’m lucky enough I’ll be able to have a chat with Boreen and get that tingly sensation all over again.
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FOR KAHENTINETHA HORN’S TAKE ON HARPER AND AFRICAN AID THAT TIES INTO THE ‘WANNABES GOTTABES’ POST BELOW CLICK HERE.

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Entry filed under: Africa, Canada, Crystal Methodist, G8, Laureen Harper, Religion, sex, Stephen Harper.

The Wannabes and the Gottabes (6N vs. G8) If Only They Were Normal #20, Vladimir Putin

9 Comments

  • 1. Q  |  June 10, 2007 at 8:01 am

    Yes, the last thing Africans need is more of the Western missionary positions.
    Love those tingly sensations.

  • 2. harpervalley  |  June 10, 2007 at 9:49 am

    Q….This is GAWD speaking. I passed your message onto Crystal and she says ‘Oh, but the West is Best’. She’s with Boreen and is tingling. We’ll let her figure it out for herself.

  • 3. Wandering Coyote  |  June 10, 2007 at 10:19 am

    He has trouble even explaining what the missionary position is? He is truly inept. I might actually feel sorry for Boreen.

  • 4. harpervalley  |  June 10, 2007 at 11:38 am

    Coyote…..fear not, lost lamb. for i, crystal methodist shall help steve and boreen demmonstrate missionary position in a closed circuit tv broadcast to the african continent. dr. ruth will be on hand to assist.

  • 5. jj  |  June 10, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    “Tingly sensations”?? Fear not, Crystal Methodist, there are rehabilitative courses available for that “problem”.

  • 6. harpervalley  |  June 10, 2007 at 3:39 pm

    jj….what? but isn’t it just excitement being with another woman of the lord?

  • 7. Bruce  |  June 10, 2007 at 6:15 pm

    The trouble with the world is the good old missionary position, the old fashioned Christian way to fuck the world over.

    I prefer this MTV commecial from Argentina, be warned, you don’t see this on TV in North America, this is not Kansas.

    http://www.ourmedia.org/node/146181

  • 8. harpervalley  |  June 10, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    bruce….GEEZE! nope, couldn’t get away with that in NA!!!!!!! great quote btw….’the missionary position. the old fashioed christian way to fuck the world over.’ hmmm, i may try shortening it a bit 😀

  • 9. jj  |  June 10, 2007 at 11:04 pm

    bruce, omg that’s awesome! Shit, every other country in the world has better advertising than north america. And it’s not because our creative depts can’t come up with it. It’s the advertisers, wimps!


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