Harper’s Speech Writer Challenged After U.S. Elections

November 8, 2006 at 11:24 pm 13 comments

pollyspeech1.jpg
Steve’s speech writer, Polly the Parrot, is challenged after Bush’s fiasco speech and conference after the elections.

In a rough draft, this is what she’s come up with so far:

People of Canada, I want to make it clear that this government is in a bi-partisan [scrath] tri-partisan [scratch] quad-partisan relationship with all parties. [throw in lame joke but DON’T look like your going to cry, be happy, don’t look down and cough]. I look forward to a new relationship as the opposition takes on more responsibilities [be firm as though it’s been all their fault].

I would also like to announce that Peter MacKay will no longer be the Minister of Foreign Affairs and Gordon O’Connor will be shifted from his duties as Minister of Defense. I’ll announce the shuffle on Monday, I promise. [lift eyes to sky in godly fashion]. Our role in Afghanistan is of utmost importance and while it is not a matter of winning there, it is a matter of helping. Helping goes for as long as it is needed [stand as tall as possible so it doesn’t look like public is catching your top secret knowledge that the republicans lost because of anti-war sentiment].

As you know, the United States has had some changes in their government. [roll eyes a bit to make it look like whacko changes]. This will mean new opportunity for Canadians to deal with our southernly neighbours in a new way [dont look down, just don’t look down!]. I’m excited by the prospect of still having good relations with President Bush [put paper over crotch if you get a woody] and the challenges of working hard with the Democrats to building a strong North America [if tears are forming, fake a sneeze then wipe].

My wife, Boreen, and I extend a warm welcome to all newly elected U.S. officials [ for god’s sake, if you’re going to fall to your knees in tears make it look like you’re praying!], and hope all have the chance to visit Ottawa [don’t barf, just don’t barf]. Thank you, and I have never lied.

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The Iroquois Don’t Exist New Evil Villain Joins The Team

13 Comments

  • 1. Bill-Muskoka  |  November 9, 2006 at 5:18 am

    scout,

    Yep! That pretty well said it all. Will someone please call PETA and help save Polly? After all Polly is an innocent, unlike the scurilous keepers of the rhetorical pecker!

    We know that the other memeber of the Trilateral Neo-con Imperial Council, i.e., ‘Howard The Down Under’, is having a melancholy morning as well.

    Now Rummy, at least, ‘Knows what he didn’t know’, that in a democracy Good Old Boys still get taken to the wood shed for some ‘learnin’ by the Boss, i.e., people.

  • 2. harpervalley  |  November 9, 2006 at 10:05 am

    howard, fox/calderon…..plenty are grieving. we must have compassion for the souls they sold long ago….wonder how much they got for them? and was it by ebay?

    gin-rummy will always have a place in the private sector making scads on the lecture circuit etc.. i guess until the economy crahses from the effects of the war, anyways.

  • 3. Bill-Muskoka  |  November 9, 2006 at 10:20 am

    scout,

    Probably, but does Rummy ‘know what he doesn’t know?’ will people pay to find out he doesn’t really know what he is talking about?

    Enquiring minds want to know!

  • 4. JJ  |  November 9, 2006 at 10:35 am

    Enquiring minds want to know? But Bill. As you know, there are known knowns and unknown knowns. And there are known unknowns and unknown unknowns. And we KNOW where the weapons of mass destruction are: to the north, east, south and west of baghdad. Heavens to betsy, bill!!!

  • 5. Bill-Muskoka  |  November 9, 2006 at 11:50 am

    jj,

    I know that! LMAO! Now knowing we know is far better than hoping we know, you know what I mean?

    We, however, can only know what we are privy to know, but there are things we do not want to know, but know anyway, and knowing we know such things makes life like a trek through the known and hopefully, just for adventure’s sake, the unknown…occassionally, but one never knows when that will occur!

  • 6. Bazz  |  November 9, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    That’s just beautiful, scout! And I wonder what Mackay would have done had it been Rice rather than Rumsfeld who got punted yesterday. Wept copiously, I’d imagine.

  • 7. Q  |  November 9, 2006 at 1:50 pm

    Haha.
    That’s great that little Steven and his parrot might be feeling a little isolated in crazy religious right land.

  • 8. Bill-Muskoka  |  November 9, 2006 at 2:09 pm

    Oh, poor Peter..He would just be heart broken of Condi got canned!

    My list for next out includes Wilted Wilkins and John Bolton!

    I want Bush handy for those Senate Investigation Committee meetings!

  • 9. timethief  |  November 9, 2006 at 2:25 pm

    SQUAK! Can-em-all can em, can em, can em and can Polly too [she shrieked as the drop cloth came down over her head].

  • 10. bcwaterboy  |  November 9, 2006 at 3:54 pm

    Give Harper a few more lengths on his rope and he will hang himself. Oil investors in Alberta burned by the recent income trust charade are not going to forget losing that much money. Word today is that the reformcons have 65% support in Alberta. They may want to re-do that poll in light of recent developments. All of these numbskulls will soon take a look at the calendar and realize it is the 21st century afterall.

  • 11. Bill-Muskoka  |  November 10, 2006 at 6:03 am

    bcwaterboy,

    “All of these numbskulls will soon take a look at the calendar and realize it is the 21st century afterall.”

    Au contrare mon ami. They use a different calender, one designated C.E. (Chimperor Era).

    They, of course are now shocked to see their calenders spontaneously combusting right there on there widdle walls, and mysteriously leaving behind strange marks which look like Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin!

    Seems a certain King, long ago, whose heart was hardened, and his ego raised to uncontrolled heights, got the same message.

    They never learn!

  • 12. Alison  |  November 11, 2006 at 10:12 am

    LMAO.
    No really – there’s just some kind of hinge there now.
    Love, love, love the stage instructions.

    For another time : [Do not turn sideways – it is NOT slimming]

  • 13. Alison  |  November 11, 2006 at 12:41 pm

    LMAO
    No, really – there’s just some kind of hinge hanging there now.
    Love, love, love the [stage instructions].

    For another time perhaps : [and do not turn sideways – it is NOT slimming]


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