If Only They Were Normal – #8 – Tony Blair

August 20, 2006 at 11:05 pm 12 comments

tonyhippie.jpg
In his youth Tony Blair modelled himself after Mick Jagger and was in a rock band called ‘The Ugly Rumours’. How he got from that to the Bush-Loving, war-supporting asshole he is….well, maybe he was an asshole then, it kinda sounds like it from Wiki’s report.

If he were normal:

“I’ve traded in the Flying V for an old Martin and I’m gearing up for the Mid-East Jam session. The Boss’s new CD of Pete Seger songs has inspired me to toss the Marshalls, go unplugged and get some Baez tab. I think ‘Joe Hill’ would be good for the line up. It would add an element of labour strife to war issues and how the common person just isn’t getting anywhere. I gave Charles and Camilla a ring, they’re into singing backup and Charlie wants to sit in circle and talk about sustainability. I’m putting forth a bill to the House to have my wages reduced to that of a hod carrier and have been hanging around Leister Square getting my chops up on Saturday night busking. The inequities, the class system, none of it makes sense. Oh, and we’re telling the Orangemen to shove it and encouraging Ulster to just be Celtic. I’ll take the cross off my neck as a symbolic gesture and toss it in the Thames when all our troops are withdrawn from everywhere. If people must have churches they can be on their own, no corporate religion, just simple fellowship with no ties. Bush and his chums can take a long walk off a short pier.’

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12 Comments

  • 1. Q  |  August 21, 2006 at 4:25 am

    Tony is so articulate, British can sound so intelligent…but… then there’s the company you keep. I bet when he’s down in the basement and sees the old Flying V case, reminding him of when he was in tune with the world, he must think, ‘what a wanker I’ve become?’

  • 2. Anonymous  |  August 21, 2006 at 5:25 am

    You should know that Tony is a love bird. Tony and Dubbya have endless love for each other. They were found singing duet on the Whitehouse lawn:

    Two hearts,
    Two hearts that beat as one
    Our lives have just begun

    Written by Lionel Richie. Now Dubbya and Stevi H sang the same song when they were together in the Whitehouse. It will be interesting to see where it goes from there and how it turns out, now that there is a love triangle.

  • 3. austin  |  August 21, 2006 at 6:38 am

    Ahhh scout, the beauty of your imagination astounds me. It would take a rocket ship of intergalactic imagination for me to even begin to think of Howard of some retiring, tatooed and fading rockstar. I was trying to get something up in my blog (but it keeps disappearing on me!) about our dear leader who recently fainted at the thought of carbon trading (Go fossil fuels kinda guy) and just the idea of putting his face out there sent shivers down to my twitchy toes.

  • 4. austin  |  August 21, 2006 at 6:39 am

    whoops I meant Howard AS not OF, those shifty prepositions just propositioned me!

  • 5. Scout  |  August 21, 2006 at 7:34 am

    q, unlike bush’s ‘linguistic deficit’, tony learned THE QUEENS’ (gasp!) English. I think he’s more apt to look at the old V and think, ‘I did it, I reached the top but damn it, I’m still no Mick!!! i’d trade my ears for his lips anyday’

    anon, more compassion please! this triangle has been the roughest on steve and he’s manifesting his depression eating three tubs of ice-cream a day.

    austin, heh heh, maybe i’ll do howard next, i don’t have to live there!!! and hey, what’s wrong with hummers and oil…and war and poverty? what are ya, some kinda wimp? sheesh, you’ll never make it out alive in texas!

    as for typos and grammar, we here at harper valley are happy to see anyone’s participles dangling.

  • 6. Anonymous  |  August 21, 2006 at 10:17 am

    Now! Austin, looc what you have done. I mace so many grammitkal mistakes that you wonโ€™t beleeve. You have made me so subkonssious. Do I have to worry about my grammar from now on.

  • 7. Annamarie  |  August 21, 2006 at 6:14 pm

    hehehe! All of you are so funny! ๐Ÿ™‚ I know I always get cheered up on this site. That’s why I’m such a Harper-Valley junkie.

    Tony looks much better in the pic here than I’ve ever seen him. Maybe you should send him the link so that he could read your piece and see the improved pic. I didn’t know about his rock-star aspirations in his younger days. Interesting… hmmm… how could he have fallen so far down into the abyss? What did Bush dangle in front of him to make him a neo-CONvert? I didn’t read the entire Wiki about him, so maybe the signs were there all along, as you suggest. Does he have a wife or partner? I don’t remember ever seeing one…

    So Stevie is eating all that ice-cream to ease his depression over the Bush-Blair duo. Feels a bit left out? Instead of ‘chubby hubby’, Laureen can now refer to him as ‘tubby hubby’.

    Anon, are you suggesting a menage a trois for those three? Or is just my muddled brain thinking along those lines…?:)

  • 8. Scout  |  August 21, 2006 at 7:37 pm

    ya austin, ot ysa nothing of slyzdexic people. see what you’ve enod to nona?????

    now annamarie, you weren’t supposed to tell anyone that they get a hit of methadone courtesy of gordo campbell when they surf to here! according to wiki tony went on from his rock band to try make it in concert promotion, at any rate, plain and simple he’s an opportunist so saw bush as an opportunity more then anything….world stage and all that rot. wonder if he’s having second doubts now.

    and yes, i’ve taken stocks out in hagen-dazz since steve’s ice-dream depression. worth it. it’s not your muddled mind thinking menage a trois, it’s your perverted mind ๐Ÿ™‚

  • 9. Annamarie  |  August 21, 2006 at 8:33 pm

    You sure know me! hehehehe! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • 10. Anonymous  |  August 22, 2006 at 5:20 am

    A menage a trois? You gals are bad. What a horrible international spectacle that will be? That should put porn industry out of business. Yuk, the idea of these three, yuk, yuk.

  • 11. Anonymous  |  August 22, 2006 at 5:48 pm

    Rumours are that Tony is very unhappy and he is going to ask for divorce from W. He is taking all his gifts back including removing troops from Iraq.

  • 12. KnightofGoodMrIronMan  |  August 24, 2006 at 6:32 pm

    “How he got from that to the Bush-Loving, war-supporting asshole he is….”
    With Bill Clinton….

    “If people must have churches they can be on their own, no corporate religion, just simple fellowship with no ties.”
    Just like Bill(and wife)’s religion….

    “Bush and his chums can take a long walk off a short pier.'”
    Is this stupid post about Tony Blair or George W. Bush????


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