Archive for October 15, 2010
It is, to say the least, interesting to live downtown after 25 years on a small island and prior to that, six years on the Saanich Peninsula. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be hanging my hat in downtown Vancouver!!! But then again, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be homeless. Same goes for the other women on my floor.
Sanity is a precious state, as well as physical health and spiritual well being. If you’ve ever been where Blanche Dubois from a Street Car Named Desire has been you’ll fully understand the sanctity of mental health. Once those neurotransmitters and synapses start misfiring or crap out all together it’s like the physical equivelant of being in a wheel chair. The legs (the mind) don’t want to cooperate and it’s a futile excersize trying to walk or run.
On a bad mental health day I can’t write. A recent example would be a cover letter I designed for possible employment. It read, “Dear John, You have and I can if there’s possibilities to do so”. I had someone in management here check my letter first, thank gawd, and it went through about four drafts before I got it into acceptable shape.
If I try to read on these days it’s a given that suddenly I’m dyslexic where I never was before. Very strange. The first page gets a good going over about 4 times until I finally give in to the fact that I can’t comprehend or concentrate on the piece. I haven’t read a book in about ten years. This has been quite an adjustment for someone who used to have four or five books on the fly at any given time.
That’s a small glimpse into mental illness. The manic times I cherish as it’s a high so mighty you feel like you’re sitting next to God him/herself…hard to explain, but everything’s just fine , glorious, blissed to the max and oh my gawd, I’ve never had a drug that could replicate the feeling. Whoever does would make billions.
The depressive times…ugh, let’s not go there! I’d like to find a head bandage so when I’m down people can actually see and associate an illness happening. As it is there’s not much tolerance by too many for being in the crazy zone. It’s like the guy with the heart attack….he looks good but isn’t working and people can’t fathom why he isn’t back on the job despite him having a quadruple bypass. Well, let me rephrase that or come up with a different analogy because a heart attack victim seems to get more empathy and understanding then a person who’s mentally ill (gawd I hate that term!).
Anyways, I am stable for now though facing medication increases as am slipping into depression owing to lack of my own housing and work I’m capable of doing.
I keep saying, ‘Something’s gotta give’, and I hope it’s my own apartment before I end up on the psyche ward again!!!!!!!! Shall I call it ‘The Gordon Campbell Suite?”.