The 5 Ring Circus – or – How to Sell Out for $55 Mill

Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up to one of the biggest larks in Canada! You’ve read about it on blogs, alt news and msm! The one, the only, non-bearded B.C. Premier of the Gordon Campbell Show gave way to his hard stance on the Softwood Lumber Deal!

In steps the Flattest Man in the World, Steve Harper with $55 million to the Olympic Games!!!

2+2=???

Ringling have announced The Olympic Summer Games go back to Athens and STAY there, and the Winter Games will move and STAY PUT in Chamonix. Due to the increase in bribery, scams, broken people everywhere who suffer while their countries stage the event, all participating nations will now contribute to the building and upgrading of permanment facilities.

Gordo, why just $55 mill? If I were a sleezy scumbag like you I would have gone for a lot more. Geeze!

Famous Stupid People # 5, continued

DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WINNER, WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!

Bazz of Oi ! Thump !
guessed ‘hollywood actress declares herself a right wing bigot’:
Jane Russell. i’m baffled, i’m puzzled, i’m shocked, i was prepared for this to go on for a while (hmm, bazz, did you sneak in and read my bookmarks, or did you hit a celebrity web site….aha, maybe a google thing!!!!).

Hosers, Eh?

Steve and his Con-Air Team prep to douse the heat the 40th Parliament session will bring this Fall. Armed with their little hoses, we can expect the Cons to wet their Stanfields as the majority opposition throw plenty of softwood logs on the fire. I’m sure their ‘Real Women Squeezes’ will be on hand with coffee, snacks, and HERo sandwiches.

HAPPY BLOGIVESSARY, KALAMALKA RAINBOW

The Kalamalka Rainbow is one year old. Stop by and congratulate BC Waterboy!

Gordscilla, Queen of the Desert

Imagine! Putting retired Brigadier General and Minister of Defence, Gordon O’Connor in ordinary cotton/poly camoflauge for his trip to visit troops in Afghanistan!!!!!

NO NO NO!!! Gordy wants to entertain the troops a la Priscilla. Steve-Joe gave the suggestion, Gordscilla went as bananas as Carman Miranda’s headress, but then they outfitted him in baggy desert camo! No wonder he looked so sour coming off the plane….’ask nothing, tell nothing’ has gone too far and Canaduh’s military has no sense of fashion whatsoever! This is a disgrace and will keep the Harper Cabinet out of the ‘Best Fashion Awards’ for certain.

Faux pas after faux pas. If we’re going to fight we may as well do it in chic.

What the Hell is Friendly Fire???

“Discrepancies emerge in Cdn. ‘friendly fire’ probe”

Seems some Canuks in Afghanistan got a bit carried away. Paranoia? Orders from the top? Drugs? Traumatic affect? All the above?

AND WHAT THE HELL IS FRIENDLY FIRE??????? ‘Here, you’re my friend, bang!’ ?. ‘Just thought I’d send you to a better place’, ‘I hear you haven’t been feeling well, POW!’, ‘What are buddies for, KAPOW!’, ‘Just kidding, oops, too late heh heh’, ‘Remember the time we got drunk and fell down, wasn’t that fun, PING!’.

Friendly fire is the lamest term I ever heard.

If Only They Were Normal – #9 – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran has beefed up nuclear weapon capability with the operation of a heavy water plant.

If he were normal:

“These war pigs suck ass. The dark lizards won’t reign anymore, I’ll play until every last weapon is sent back to hell and the doomsday clock is set to one minute to peace. I’m gonna move the groove of the Mid-East jam up a notch and make it a battle of the bands. The muscle of iron will compete against the unplugged and the people will decide. The people, man, nothin’ more important than the pepes. Winner gets to shit on the Whitehouse steps. Justice for all! Headbanging for peace, man, headbanging for peace!”

Con Solution To Poverty

While Canada’s surplus is up, poverty levels are rising, which the National Council on Welfare calls ‘morally disgraceful’.

The Con solution?

Harper: Hello rich child. Now, remember to pray for the needy while you’re eating.

Mwa Ha Ha

Warren Ellis has a great scheme on his site on how to screw anti-gay Christians in the pocketbook
How To Screw Some Evangelist Maaggots Right in the Wallet. He’s layed out a step by step guide to securing freebies from ‘Focus on Family’, items that are intended for auction . Just do it!

Stupid Famous People #5

This time it’s a female.

Congrats to BCWaterboy of The Kalamalka Rainbow for guessing Michael Chertoff (see sidebar for a blurb on The Kalamalka).

CORPulent Con

Harper: Two things.
RCMP: Yes Sir?
Harper: First there’s a brown-skinned, Canadian-born man wearing a turban to our left of the center guy.
RCMP: Yes Sir?
Harper: Fire him. Second thing.
RCMP: Yes Sir?
Harper: Does horse meat taste good?

Mike Harris Ipper-try-to-wash-your-hands

The Ipperwash Inquiry investigating the shooting death of Dudley George in 1995 by an Ontario Provincial Police officer has wrapped up and a decision will be made by the end of the year. The focus of the inquiry was whether former Ontario Premier Mike Harris infuenced the OPP to at the standoff to remove protestors.
Aboriginal lawyers cited Harris as lying 17 times about a meeting that took place hours before the shooting.

Says Harris, “Look. I’m just a guy like anyone else. Just because I say ‘fuck’ alot and don’t like injuns or their stupid protests and claims doesn’t mean I have influence over a bunch of cops. What’s the big deal over sharing my single malt with The Men In Black, b.s.’ing around and saying I want a scalp or two? Shit, everyone takes it so seriously when I say stuff like, ‘Or you’ll loose your job and end up in cement boots’. It’s a joke, get it? This whole thing has just been sensationalized by redskins, sympathizers and the left. They wouldn’t know a joke if they were tazered by one. I’ll be cleared, I’m not worried. The same people who make a lot about this probably think Caledonia Wakeup Callis some KKK organization. Get on with life and let Upper Canada rule. Hey, pass the Glen Fiddich!, and make it neat or you’re fired!”

Hockey Trading – Oilers Go For Power Play

The Edmonton Oilers and it’s farm league, The Tamil Tigers, are upset over recent allegations of weapons trading. U.S. government agents arrested several Canadians, accusing them of trying to purchase missiles for the Tigers.

An anonymous Edmonton Oiler said, “Man did they get this one wrong! All we were trying to do was get the new SA-18 hockey stick to our farm team so they’d have the right equipment to play with. Seems we’ve drawn on all the good Russian, Slavic and Scandinavian players, so we’ve set up a deal with the Tigers to help train them and draw from their pool. Ya gotta have the right equipment for training, eh?’.

The Tamil Tigers are quite the team by all reports…their reputation supercedes the Jamaican Bobsledding Team, and the Oilers should be continuous Stanley Cup champions with their new farm league of players.

U.S. agents had no comments at this time.

Blog Around the Clock…Circadian Rhythms

What, no photoshpped pic? Nope, no time!!!!

I went to physio today and she asked me how I was sleeping. I told her not well and that my circadian clock must be off (thought i was a bigshot saying that). She asked me my habits before bedtime and i told her i was on the computer a few hours before hitting the hay.

The phsyio said, nuh-uh, i have to get off the puter an hour before bedtime and wind down with a book (like, real paper in my hands???). Apparently my circadian rhythm is off because the computer screen throws off too much emr’s from the screen, keeping my brain active for too long. So, I’m willing to try this novel idea of a book read before winkin’ blinkin’ and nod. Pardon the pun. No don’t, I did it on purpose.

I started learning about circadian rythm from Blog Around the Clock. It’s way over my head, being a right hemisphered gal and the left hemi well atrophied. But I do manage to pick up the occassional thing there, and remember that REM and all that is tied in to circadian.

So, goodnight, I don’t have time to cruise around all the sites tonight like I usually do. This may reduce the luggage under my eyes to mere bags.

p.s., check out alison’s recent rant at Gordo at Creekside. oops, past my cut off time!!!

Famous Stupid People #4

This time it’s a male. Rules are on the sidebar.

WE HAVE A WINNER!!! BCWaterboy of The Kalamalka Rainbow guess MICHAEL CHERTOFF. Please read Waterboy’s bllurb on the sidebar and drop by his site.

Congrats to Annamarie at Verbena-19 for guessing #3, Laureen Harper

If Only They Were Normal – #8 – Tony Blair

In his youth Tony Blair modelled himself after Mick Jagger and was in a rock band called ‘The Ugly Rumours’. How he got from that to the Bush-Loving, war-supporting asshole he is….well, maybe he was an asshole then, it kinda sounds like it from Wiki’s report.

If he were normal:

“I’ve traded in the Flying V for an old Martin and I’m gearing up for the Mid-East Jam session. The Boss’s new CD of Pete Seger songs has inspired me to toss the Marshalls, go unplugged and get some Baez tab. I think ‘Joe Hill’ would be good for the line up. It would add an element of labour strife to war issues and how the common person just isn’t getting anywhere. I gave Charles and Camilla a ring, they’re into singing backup and Charlie wants to sit in circle and talk about sustainability. I’m putting forth a bill to the House to have my wages reduced to that of a hod carrier and have been hanging around Leister Square getting my chops up on Saturday night busking. The inequities, the class system, none of it makes sense. Oh, and we’re telling the Orangemen to shove it and encouraging Ulster to just be Celtic. I’ll take the cross off my neck as a symbolic gesture and toss it in the Thames when all our troops are withdrawn from everywhere. If people must have churches they can be on their own, no corporate religion, just simple fellowship with no ties. Bush and his chums can take a long walk off a short pier.’

Osanta Bin Laden meets Harper in North

During Steve-Joe’s recent foray to the northern reaches of Canada to announce HIS nation asserting it’s sovereign rights with armed forces, he met up with Osanta Bin Laden.

Says Steve-Joe, ‘Any friend of President Bush’s is a friend of mine. If Osanta wants to put bombs in his Christmas presents for children , so be it. That will give us freer reign to detain brown-skinned and Canadian-born people, wiretap, and invest in arms. My children’s stock portfolios have grown by leaps and bounds since Boreen and I got them in on the Bush-plan. They’ll be contributing heavily to Con Campaign Coffers.

Asked if he now understood Six Nation’s sovereignty issues, Steve said, ‘They still don’t get it. If they’d arm themselves and contribute to the Fear Factory they could be reaping it in like the rest of us. Their refusal is just welfare attitude and they’re no better then the left-wing peace loving bums.’.

O.K., Steve, we’ll get right up to the North Pole and pick off penguins while we’re waiting for Mid-Eastener, desert dwelling, sun soaking, heat and sand loving terrorists to cross the artic.

And Osanta, this year I’d like an Uzi in my stocking.

NO!!!! Is Mainsteam Media FINALLY Getting It???

For the first several months of the Six Nation reclamation at Caledonia there was a mainstream media blackout (oh dear me, we can’t have corporate media upsetting Ward and June!!!). Now that the Clan Mothers have seized back their land that Ontario Hydro has illegally built windmills on, the media is slowly starting to understand.

Natch the press will now be accused of ‘going liberal’ by the CONdemnationists. Look out, Steve-Joe, cause red, white, black and yellow will be standing tall on this one!!!

Willy Wonka Wannabe???

In a nice break from the doom and gloom, Auntie reports that a U.S. man fell into a vat of chocolate and got stuck. Ya got to love the BBC, they report that it was dark chocolate.

Famous Stupid People #3

WE HAVE A WINNER!!! ANNAMARIE OF Verbena-19 correctly guessed LAUREEN HARPER, the little girl from Turner Valley. Ew, I just realized she attended the same Tech Insitute as me (though years later). I’m sure her coffee clatch thinks she’s done well and is smart for marrying what Annamarie calls her ‘chubby hubby’. But what happens when he joins the ranks of Joe Who, Kim Campbell, John Turner and any other of those short-lived dolts?

This one’s female. Please read the rules on the sidebar. One guess per day, one question per day.

Congrats to the ‘official’ ANON for guessing Idi Amin in #2. This anon is the only one who’s allowed to be anon….if that makes any sense. If you want to be anonymous or don’t have a site, please choose ‘other’ and make a name up to play the game.