Secrets Revealed (Too Much Information!)

Britain’s PM Tony Blair is going with the polls and cutting off all lingerings of his affair with President Bush. Always the opportunist, Blair’s now differing posture from his G-string 8 Summit is based on a Guardian/ICM poll. The PM had to break the news to Bush, who’s taken it fairly well as his new rose-coloured glasses subserviant, Steve Harper, follows the Prez’s every whim.

Blair – I say, George, hope you don’t mind but I do have my popularity to consider.
Bush – Ya, I understand…want a snort?
Blair – No thank you.
Bush – Given up on that as well as me? Heck, that’s alright Tony, I’m still workin’ hard.
Blair – I knew you’d understand, old chap. And it was great while it lasted.
Bush – Ya, we had some good times up on that mountain.
Blair – Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Bush – Huh? Speak english will ya?
Blair – I do believe I’m the expert on that one, George.
Bush – Not that old arguement again.

Meantime, Whitehouse sources have leaked why Bush chooses Diet Coke as the Breakfast of Champions. Seems he just can’t get over Clinton’s success.

The Mad Tea Party

By Mark Bryan

Immaculate Misconception

U.S. Secretary of State CONdoleezza Rice is in the Mid-East for Piece talks (you get a piece of this, I get a piece of that). After likening the war striken Israel and Lebanon as the birth pangs of a new Middle East, Rice set off first to Lebanon then Israel after delivering a spanking fresh baby Region. Rice insists the father is God, but President Bush is denying his ever having slept with CONdi and says her use of model missiles may have something to do with it.

The recent drama over Georgie dumping Rice for Tony Blair then moving on to Steve Harper has paired Toni and Condi. Somehow the jilted attracted each other… Tony being head of the Labour Party may have a lot to do with it. At any rate Condi’s now talking ceasefire along with Tony, demonstrating their strength as a new couple. Blair has no aversion to helping with the newborn.

The British PM says he may consider siding with Bush if Bush calls him ‘Tone’. Rice says she’ll also think things over if Mr. President will continue to supply battery operated Patriot Missiles, which have a far superior effect to cigars.